Carcus caught collecting cows
Retired chess board creator, Jonathan Carcus, from Slough was recently discovered hiding cows in a meadow of arms. The cows were fed on rakes, and a large number of cows were found dead after choking on the jagged implements.
Carcus 'flipped' after entering a county wide drawing competition aimed at 8-12 year olds. The judges deemed his picture of 18 cows sitting at a table discussing batteries as 'mediocre'. This enraged Carcus, and he sought revenge.
The meadow was said to have been bowl shaped, like an upside down cross-section of a skull, to keep the cows out of reach of humanity. The cows were discovered by a very clever mole, on Dave Taplin's face.
The mole said: 'It was a rubbish drawing anyway.'
I'll lock you up until Christmas, and lick your thighs.
Go, go, the crow
Thomas Guideline, the Cannock celebrity, is doing his bit for charity, by dressing up as a crow for a year. Guideline is also on a crow diet, and has the same sleeping arrangements. Guideline's children get fed through him regurgitating into their mouths.
The proceeds from Guideline's work are going towards cereal for orphans in Mars. The president of Mars, Zik Buh, has expressed his delight. He said: 'Well, he's doing a brilliant thing. The money could go towards houses or care workers, but as breakfast is the most important meal of the day, this seemed the best option.'
Zik Buh is an arse.
he did it.
Philosophy on life...
Close those windows and open your eyes.
The most wonderful adventures of the man in the bath
Well, today in the bath, I made a prank call to NatWest.
